dollpocalypse | Space... And Also The Fandom Beach

Months. It had been months. Stuck out in space with no company other than that bloody Space Core - Wheatley was aware they were in space - he had, perhaps, started to go a bit mad. But madness was the father of invention, wasn't it? Or... was it the mother? Actually, if madness was one parent of invention, then who was the other one? Science? No, no, science is what happened after invention--

"INSPACE."

"Yes, I know, buddy, can we just..." Not? Could they not? "Not," he settled on, quite powerfully if you asked him. "Look, I have this idea to get us out of space--"

"Space!"

"Get us out of it, yes," Wheatley said. "We should... start orbiting one another, build up some centrifugal--"

That was about as far as he got.

"Did you feel that?" he asked. "It's this strange... feeling. I don't know how to describe it-- a tugging sensation! Yes, I'm feeling a strange tugging sensation in my... well, my everywhere. Can you feel that? Or is it just me? No, I'm definitely not imagining it. It's this strange, tugging, pulling... burning feeling... a rushing in my... sensors, I'm--"

Beat.

"I'm falling and on fire, aren't I?"

Sadly, or perhaps fortuitously, he could not, in fact, hear Space Core over the sound of his re-entry into Earth's atmosphere.

Luckily, he landed somewhere that would at least help take care of the fire bit: in the water just off the coast of Fandom Island, Maryland, where a terrible swimmer by the name of Topher Brink had just been contemplating wading into the water to fish out the iPod he'd just dropped in there.

But then a whole sphere landed there with a giant splash (truly, Topher's sweater vest might never be salvaged), and the iPod was long forgotten. "Holy shit," Topher swore, immediately wading forward to pluck the sphere out by that helpful handle on the... top? Or maybe it was the bottom. Either way, he was going to go right ahead and tap it. "What the...?"

"That was very clever," Wheatley told the sky. "Falling into the water so I would stop being on fire..."

It talked! Man, this place was just getting more and more AIs by the day. "So... that was on purpose?" Topher wanted to know. It seemed very impressive to him.

"Oh, yes, absolutely on purpose," Wheatley said, his iris opening-- and flickering up and down chaotically as he attempted to look straight at Topher while being... well, being held up by his handles. "I, er, I was testing this new targeting system, very modern, very classified, please be quiet about it."

"Oh, yeah, of course, totally," Topher agreed, nodding vigorously. Was it rude to go ahead and poke that iris? He was going to assume it was acceptable until told otherwise. Poke. "Good job. With that." Poke. "It'd be more impressive if you'd landed in the punch bowl at the parents' thing or something, but then you'd be all gross and sticky."

"Yes, well-- will you stop that? You're poking in my-- Ow. That's my eye!"

"Oh, sorry," Topher said, not really sounding that sorry. He was mostly curious. See that inquisitive headtilt of his? "So what's the deal here, are you visiting someone? Or if you don't have anywhere to be, I can always, you know, disassemble you real quick, figure out where you came from, maybe get you a nice rail to zip around on..."

"...You know, I used to have a rail," Wheatley pontificated, attempting to roll around in Topher's hand and failing miserably. "Yeah, I did. It was a fine rail. I was told not to abandon it, actually."

Well. "Looks like your rail-maker knew what he was talking about," Topher pointed out. "Since you just fell out of the sky on fire."

"Yes, well, it seemed like a logical choice at the, ah, at the time," Wheatley admitted. "You know, one minute you're hanging off your rail, doing SCIENCE, the next there's some insane woman with brain damage running around fighting an insane robot with a portal gun..." He whistled. Loudly. "They should prepare rails for that. Actually, that will be my next project: portable rails. Yes."

"...That sounds..." Like a really flawed idea? "Wait, did you say portal gun?"

"The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device," Wheatley said sagely. He paused briefly. "Say, buddy, you wouldn't happen to know of, ah, there maybe being a branch of Aperture Science nearby...?"

"Nope, but I do know of an Aperture AI!" Topher said brightly. "She's amazing. Probably the best teacher ever." That was definitely not right. "Wanna meet her?"

"Wait, did you say Aperture AI?" Oh, that could only be one person. This was a terrible idea. "Right. Right, uh... take me to your leader!" Beat. "Actually don't take me to your leader, I've just always wanted to say that. Go! Forward! Do... whatever humans do. Carrying AIs around. Did I tell you about that time she was a potato?"

[[wheatley brought to you by the disturbingly hilarious