"Excuse you, math is totally useful," Topher objected. With an obnoxiously put-upon look of nostalgia, he tapped his chin and sighed, "Oh, calculus. I remember those days." Really, Topher? Ninth grade counted as 'those days?' "Man, you're making me want to do some derivatives now."

Topher was a crazy person and derivatives were evil.

"So what's your thing? History? English? Don't tell me you're into English, there's this crazy Onion girl who'll want to be your friend or something."