Room 307, Monday Afternoon

[dollpocalypse]

It wasn't like Topher was writing fanfiction about one of his best friends or anything.
 
At all. Because that would be wrong.

It was just that, well, said best friend (shut up, he totally was his best friend) happened to be a superhero. A superhero with, as it turned out, an exceptionally devoted online fanbase. Who had… ideas. And something called a kinkmeme.

And some of them were just stupid. Like the one about the tentacles. Or the one with the… what was it called? Sailor fuku? Please. Tony would never wear something like that. He'd even said so. These people clearly didn't know him at all.
 
So, naturally, he had to retaliate. Retaliate in the form of a novel-length RPS story of his own, in which a high-school-aged Iron Man fell for a science-minded classmate named Chris Strink.
 
Take that, apepperpot.

[[omg blame hoorayimrich. open to artificial intelligence thingies, comments on his masterpiece, visitors, IMs, whatever you want.]]

Comments

[dollpocalypse]

This fic here, Topher answered helpfully, with a link to a dreadful, dreadful story he'd read this morning, says they just show up in subway tunnels sometimes.

Someone in Tony's universe had gotten her facts wrong, oh yes.

[selfhelphero]

Billy made a face, but clicked on the link anyway, and then backed away quickly. No, they really don't. Definitely not like that. Because ew, no, dreadful. Maybe there'd be one at the school?

[dollpocalypse]

Seems like something that would show up at Pandom, Topher replied thoughtfully. Because his fake names for things were so creative. Seems like the kind of place that would get that kind of thing. Or mechanical spiders. Or weird mutated alots and stuff.

Shh, Topher.

[selfhelphero]

Billy eyed the screen for a moment, because while he was a little oblivious sometimes, he wasn't entirely clueless. Or maybe Chris and Iron Man could get bitten by something at the school, and think they were in love with each other, or something.

Maybe it was a different place vaguely rhyming with Pandom. He couldn't think of any girls here as crazy obsessed with Tony as he was, even if he did keep his attention a secret.

[dollpocalypse]

Clearly Billy just wasn't looking in the right places!

I like that!! Topher agreed excitedly. Dude. That's way better than gremlins turning them into croc hunters. I like the way you think!

[selfhelphero]

Oh, now Billy's curiosity was totally piqued.

Glad I could help, but I have to ask--gremlins?

[dollpocalypse]

They're these little green things that live near my school, he explained. They bite.

Someone needed to explain to Topher the rules of internet safety.

[selfhelphero]

Yes, that was very unsafe, but Billy was glad for the naivety right now. This couldn't be real, seriously. You didn't happen to base the school in the story on your own school, did you? And maybe base Iron Man on someone there? he replied, waiting a moment before adding Just curious.

[dollpocalypse]

You're not trying to kill him, are you? Topher checked, because he was vehemently opposed to giving out any information that might lead to Tony's death.

[selfhelphero]

Would I be here reading stories about him if I was trying to kill him? Seriously, that'd just be awkward. I'm asking because I go to a school with gremlins too.

That was vague enough for the internet, right?

[dollpocalypse]

Well. You know. Maybe. There were some weird people out there.

Topher paused, considered that, then decided to present a challenge. Then what's his name?

[selfhelphero]

Billy paused for a moment and prayed that Tony - any version of him - wasn't the kind of guy to Google himself. Or pay anyone else to do it for him.

Tony Stark. It's funny, because there's a guy with that name at my school too. It could totally be a different Tony! And Stark was a really common name!

[dollpocalypse]

Topher didn't know whether to be possessive over the object of his crush or glad that there was someone else at this school in the same boat as him.

Probably a weird combination of both.

You go to Fandom, don't you? Topher ventured.

[selfhelphero]

Well, so much for there being a school called Bandom out there somewhere.

Yeah, I do, and I'm assuming you do too. Are you a guy or a girl?

Sorry Topher! He still wasn't sure!

[dollpocalypse]

Guy. Topher. You?

Internet safety! He had it!

[selfhelphero]

Billy facepalmed, but he was too far in to go back now. He would have thought that Topher was smarter than that, but then, he also wouldn't have thought of Topher as the fanfic-writing type.

Billy. Nice to meet you here.

[dollpocalypse]

Yeaaaah, the genius didn't always extend to this kind of situation, unfortunately.

So, uh. You read fanfic about Tony a lot?

Topher had found that the direct approach was always a good one.

[selfhelphero]

Sometimes. Every once in a while. It's easier here, where I don't have my friends looking over my shoulder and laughing. Mercy was a good roommate to not pay too much attention to what he did on the computer.

[dollpocalypse]

Topher thought about Kenzi and how, earlier, she'd literally looked over his shoulder and laughed.

Yeah, me neither.

Lies. All lies.

So... why?

[selfhelphero]

Oh, Topher, you just had to ask didn't you?

He's one of my favorite superheroes! All the Avengers are amazing but he's totally beyond! I've looked up to him my whole life!

After a moment, he added:

Also, I think he and Captain America are a thing, and I like to see what people are writing about them. Some stuff is just so off.

[dollpocalypse]

...yeah, Billy might actually be as bad as Topher was.

Though perhaps not quite.

He and Captain America are NOT a thing, Topher informed Billy firmly despite not actually being clear on who Captain America even was. He's dating stupid Stephanie. Gross. :(

Someone was biiiitter!

[selfhelphero]

Awwww, so adorably bitter.

The one at school is dating Stephanie. But I knew Iron Man as an adult first, at home. He dates a lot of different people, but I think he's really involved with Captain America.

He could make a tinfoil hat for you too, Topher, if you ever wanted one.

[dollpocalypse]

He did. He wanted one so bad.

There was a looooong pause. Then:

And Captain America's a girl?

OH NO. CUE THE TONY FACEPALMS FOR ALL ETERNITY.

[selfhelphero]

If Tony was feeling a sense of foreboding, well, Billy was very sorry.

Um, no, Captain America's a guy. A totally amazing guy, since he's like, America's superhero and all. He fought Nazis!!

[dollpocalypse]

THERE WENT ALL PETER'S HARD WORK DOWN THE DRAIN.

But Tony doesn't like guys, Topher pointed out, puzzled. He told me so when he kissed me.

There were so many problems with that sentence.