Room 307, Monday Afternoon

[dollpocalypse]

It wasn't like Topher was writing fanfiction about one of his best friends or anything.
 
At all. Because that would be wrong.

It was just that, well, said best friend (shut up, he totally was his best friend) happened to be a superhero. A superhero with, as it turned out, an exceptionally devoted online fanbase. Who had… ideas. And something called a kinkmeme.

And some of them were just stupid. Like the one about the tentacles. Or the one with the… what was it called? Sailor fuku? Please. Tony would never wear something like that. He'd even said so. These people clearly didn't know him at all.
 
So, naturally, he had to retaliate. Retaliate in the form of a novel-length RPS story of his own, in which a high-school-aged Iron Man fell for a science-minded classmate named Chris Strink.
 
Take that, apepperpot.

[[omg blame hoorayimrich. open to artificial intelligence thingies, comments on his masterpiece, visitors, IMs, whatever you want.]]

Comments

[dollpocalypse]

Yeaaaah, the genius didn't always extend to this kind of situation, unfortunately.

So, uh. You read fanfic about Tony a lot?

Topher had found that the direct approach was always a good one.

[selfhelphero]

Sometimes. Every once in a while. It's easier here, where I don't have my friends looking over my shoulder and laughing. Mercy was a good roommate to not pay too much attention to what he did on the computer.

[dollpocalypse]

Topher thought about Kenzi and how, earlier, she'd literally looked over his shoulder and laughed.

Yeah, me neither.

Lies. All lies.

So... why?

[selfhelphero]

Oh, Topher, you just had to ask didn't you?

He's one of my favorite superheroes! All the Avengers are amazing but he's totally beyond! I've looked up to him my whole life!

After a moment, he added:

Also, I think he and Captain America are a thing, and I like to see what people are writing about them. Some stuff is just so off.

[dollpocalypse]

...yeah, Billy might actually be as bad as Topher was.

Though perhaps not quite.

He and Captain America are NOT a thing, Topher informed Billy firmly despite not actually being clear on who Captain America even was. He's dating stupid Stephanie. Gross. :(

Someone was biiiitter!

[selfhelphero]

Awwww, so adorably bitter.

The one at school is dating Stephanie. But I knew Iron Man as an adult first, at home. He dates a lot of different people, but I think he's really involved with Captain America.

He could make a tinfoil hat for you too, Topher, if you ever wanted one.

[dollpocalypse]

He did. He wanted one so bad.

There was a looooong pause. Then:

And Captain America's a girl?

OH NO. CUE THE TONY FACEPALMS FOR ALL ETERNITY.

[selfhelphero]

If Tony was feeling a sense of foreboding, well, Billy was very sorry.

Um, no, Captain America's a guy. A totally amazing guy, since he's like, America's superhero and all. He fought Nazis!!

[dollpocalypse]

THERE WENT ALL PETER'S HARD WORK DOWN THE DRAIN.

But Tony doesn't like guys, Topher pointed out, puzzled. He told me so when he kissed me.

There were so many problems with that sentence.

[selfhelphero]

WAIT WAIT WAIT YOU GOT TO KISS HIM?!

Way to encourage the obsession, Topher.

[dollpocalypse]

HAHAHAHAHAHA. TOPHER WON THE CRUSH-OFF. SUCK IT, BILLY.

...ahem.

Yep.

Smug. Smuuuuuug.

[selfhelphero]

Oh, how the wheel of bitterness had turned!

Was it amazing? Did he smell good? I will take whatever details you are willing to share.

Somewhere, Tony was probably feeling the need to draw up a restraining order, even if he didn't know why.

[dollpocalypse]

Too bad Billy didn't have his own manipulative Wiggin to boss him around and encourage him to do things like this!

Or, you know. Lucky.

Yeah, he smelled really good. Not like laundry, like how Ben smells. Tony was more, I guess kind of like candles, but more like once they're done, you know? And kind of metally. Like under a car. But in a good way. All sweaty and stuff. It was nice. And his hair was all soft and his mouth was warm and stuff.

He could keep going, Billy. SERIOUSLY. HE COULD.

[selfhelphero]

He could keep going, but then Billy might track him down to his room and hit him.

He probably still smelled from working in his lab. I hate you. Not really, but at least a tiny bit.

As for whether or not he actually likes guys...I don't know, because I don't think the Tony at school is the same one I know at home? It's one of those weird Fandom things.

He was good at fanning the flames of possibility, sorry Peter.

[dollpocalypse]

Topher actually let out a whine at that. SO CLOSE. HE'D BEEN SO CLOSE.

But I have to know!!!!!!!! he insisted. He kissed me AND there was that time on the beach with the Kotex and the touching and kissing and sex and stuff!

Dying of jealousy yet, Billy? Granted, that had been Soap Opera Weekend and had been followed by a broken heart, but, well.

But then he was all, OH, I LIKE GIRLS, STEPHANIE'S AWESOME. So which is it?!?!?!?!?!111/asgio

He got a little emotional in that last part.

[selfhelphero]

The strangled noise that Billy made might have been audible even outside his own room.

You are making me hate you more than just a little bit! Maybe he doesn't know yet, and since he's dating a girl, he thinks he's just into girls. Some guys don't figure things out until a lot later in life.

Someone needed to stay out of his mom's self help books.

[dollpocalypse]

He should figure it out noooooow, Topher whined. Cause you're into him and I'm into him and he's all, you know, hot and stuff. And Stephanie sucks. Even though she didn't hit me for using her picture on my door on Halloween like I thought she would.

[selfhelphero]

Anyone he likes can't suck that much, because he's too awesome to have bad taste in people, even if they are girls, Billy said reasonably. And we can't make him figure it out now. But we have the power of fanfiction to tide us over until he does?

[dollpocalypse]

Huh. Topher... had never thought of it that way before. But really, now that Billy mentioned it, it seemed kinda true.

Oh, he realized. Yeah. You're right. Tony was completely freaking awesome, after all. Anyway we should hang out.

And write sonnets about Tony's pretty, pretty eyes. And metal-stink.

[selfhelphero]

We totally should. Not that this hasn't been entertaining.

Poor, poor Tony.

[dollpocalypse]

It was a good thing they would never both go out and get drunk with him or anything! Because that would be a DISASTER!

Yeah! And if you ever wanted to write something together, we could. If you want.

Because that was what the world needed.

[selfhelphero]

I've never written something like this before, but that could be cool.

If you read enough, surely you could write too, right?

[dollpocalypse]

Oh, surely. Unless what you read was tentacle stuff. Then you were on your own.

Cool, Topher agreed. See you around? Oh, and you should come to frat sometime. Tony's all responsible for it and stuff.

Purr.

[selfhelphero]

Billy had thought about the frat, but was ultimately too nervous to go. Now, he had a good reason!

I'll have to come check that out. See you around!